“Shut up, man”

When my kids were little, they thought the “s-h word” was “shut up.” The expression “shut up” is a verbal slap in the face. Therefore, I taught my children not to use it. In last night’s presidential brawl debate, an exasperated Joe Biden leveled the “s-h word” at Donald Trump. And all I can say is: about time.

For more than five years, even well before he decided to run for president, Donald Trump has been shooting off his mouth: peddling birther rumors, making grandiose pronouncements about himself, and shouting “You’re fired!” on TV. Since becoming president, Trump has spewed an almost endless stream of lies and hatefulness, creating rather than attempting to heal divisions in this fractious country. Someone needed to call him out, and that someone was the mild-mannered presidential candidate Joe Biden.

I have to admit that my knowledge of Biden’s exhortation, “Shut up, man,” came to me second-hand – that is, in news reports on the debates. I did not watch them, unwilling to subject myself to any more of Donald Trump than I absolutely have to. From what I gather, the debate was little more than a shouting match that Chris Wallace could not control. As my mother might have chastised back in the day, “America, I hope you’re happy now!”

President Trump’s ardent supporters could literally watch Trump shoot the proverbial man on 5th Avenue and insist, “He had it coming.” Whatever lies and hate Trump spews, they will collect it all in their MAGA hats and fling it at liberals.

But the rest of us don’t have to – listen to Trump, that is. We can tune him out. The press can stop covering his rallies and over-the-whir-of-chopper-blades blather. Imagine how distressed Donald Trump would be if his nemesis, CNN, just stopped covering him. Sure, Trump’s official propaganda machine Fox News will still slobber over him. But we could easily make Fox an echo chamber that the rest of the country can ignore.

As a nation, we can issue Trump a collective “Shut up, man.” And better yet, on November 3, let’s tell him, “You’re fired!”

China Syndrome

One of the reasons the Trump Administration has had no trouble demonizing the People’s Republic of China is because of their autocratic style of government that stifles independent thought and speech. Ironically, Trump’s own administration has been using the very authoritarian tactics that make China a target of criticism around the world.

One area in which Trump is using the power of his office to stifle dissent is by politicizing the Centers for Disease Control during a pandemic that makes him look bad and threatens to derail his re-election. The most recent example of this came when the CDC removed the following statement from its website: “Airborne particles can be suspended in air and be breathed in by others.” (“CDC reverses itself and says guidelines it posted on coronavirus airborne transmission were wrong,” Washington Post, September 21, 2020) This is not the first time the CDC has seemingly changed its guidelines after pressure from the White House. When independent agencies are forced to censor themselves at the behest of the president, we are venturing into authoritarian government territory.

Trump ironically resembles the Chinese autocracy in other ways:

• using tear gas on peaceful protesters
• keeping people from ethnic minorities in detention camps
• banning consumer products it considers a threat to its country (Tik Tok app)

There are ample reasons to criticize the government of China, most especially in the area of human rights. But Trump’s vilification of the Far East superpower is merely a cynical ploy to keep us from examining his tacit support for Russia and its Poisoner-in-Chief, Vladimir Putin.

And demonizing China has had real detrimental effects on Asian Americans. More than 1,000 instances of anti-Asian racism were reported in California between the months of March and July. (Ashley Wong, Sacramento Bee, September 17, 2020) Trump Administration rhetoric has gotten so bad that the House of Representatives felt called upon to pass a resolution denouncing “anti-Asian rhetoric related to the coronavirus pandemic, including expressions like ‘China virus’ frequently used by President Donald Trump.” (Patricia Zengerle, Reuters, September 17, 2020)

Most of all, Trump’s adversarial tone on China is the height of hypocrisy. When it comes to autocratic leaders, Mr. President, it takes one to know one.

Rest In Peace, RBG

When I first learned about the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I have to admit that my first thought was a selfish one. But my second thought, quickly on its heels, was of my sadness and admiration for the strength, courage, and intellect Justice Ginsburg displayed throughout her life.

With her diminutive stature and rap-inspired nickname Notorious RBG, Ginsburg inspired an unusual fandom for someone with so august a position as Supreme Court Justice. Even her detractors have recognized her fierce intellect and her fearlessness in dissent.

When young Ruth Bader Ginsburg graduated from law school, she could not find a job. Her gender, marital status and being Jewish all worked against her. Who would have imagined that she could rise to the position of justice in the highest court in the land?

Throughout her career, Ginsburg championed the rights of women and minorities. She has been the subject of a documentary titled simply RBG, as well as a feature film based on her life: On the Basis of Sex. Her legacy will remain in the many decisions and dissents she has written for the Court over the years. And as Chief Justice John Roberts remarked, she will be sorely missed as a colleague and friend.

What I admire most about Justice Ginsburg is her courage in the face of obstacles, most seriously the cancers that eventually took her life. After every debilitating treatment or procedure, she would get back up, dust off her robes, and resume her position as justice. I also admire her unwillingness to compromise having a personal life for having a legal career. Her children and grandchildren are perhaps the legacy of which she was most proud.

The next month and a half will not be pretty. Naming a new Supreme Court Justice so close to this divisive presidential election will create turmoil. For now, though, let us put aside our partisan anxieties and take the time to cherish the memory of a towering figure in a tiny frame.

Rest in peace, RBG. And thank you for your tireless efforts on behalf of justice in America.

Chickens Coming Home to Roost – in the ‘Burbs?

There has been quite the brouhaha in certain Chicago suburbs this summer over the unlikely proliferation of chicken coops. In Darien and Lincolnshire, local government officials are buying giant bottles of Tylenol to deal with the headache of residents complaining about their neighbors’ Green Acres-style predilections.

Let’s be real here. It’s hard enough dealing with inconsiderate dog owners who let their pets poop all over our property. Just imagine if instead of an alarm clock, you had a rooster next door to wake you up at dawn each day.

I’m all for self-sufficiency. Many people tend large vegetable gardens in their backyards so as to have the freshest produce. Just ask any amateur tomato or zucchini grower about his crop, and he will be as proud as a new papa with a cigar stuck in his mouth. But raising livestock within spitting distance of the barbecue grill? Well, that seems just plain cruel.

I’ve read in the past about complaints over pet pigs being kept in people’s backyards. With all due respect to George Clooney, pigs – and chickens! – belong on farms, not in suburbia.

I have to wonder what is behind this sudden craze for chickens. While goat yoga has been a thing for some time now, at least goats are cute. Chickens are beady-eyed and shrill, stalking and fluttering and leaving streaks of white excrement all over the place. What’s to love about them?

Maybe suburbanites are enthralled by the idea of going out to the coop to harvest fresh eggs each morning. I say let Phil collect the eggs and ship them to a store near me. Much quieter and more sanitary – at least for me.

So chicken, pig, goat, and other livestock lovers, if you really feel the need to raise anything other than a dog, cat, or perhaps rabbit on your premises, why not go whole hog, so to speak, and move into farm country? I have no doubt that in rural areas with wide open spaces, no one will squawk about your collection of chickens or future sides of bacon.

But chickens in the suburbs? That’s for the birds.

Solitaire-y Mom

I have an embarrassing confession to make: I am addicted to playing Solitaire on my phone. The game is mindless and a complete waste of time, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

When personal computers were introduced, I scoffed at the idea of playing a game like Solitaire on one of them. I thought that there was no substitute for the tactile satisfaction of dealing out the cards on the table and playing manually. But if you’ve ever tried playing Solitaire the old fashioned way after having done so virtually, you know that the game seems laborious and unenjoyable by comparison. On my phone, I can play game after game in quick succession, and I usually play until I win a round.

There are other digital games I enjoy, ones that require more thought. There are crossword puzzles (another guilty pleasure of mine), trivia games, and word jumbles, all of which entail at least of modicum of brain power. But I enjoy Solitaire for precisely the fact that it is the opposite. Other than the need for a passing attention to numbers and suits, Solitaire can be played while having a conversation or merely zoning out after a long day.

That is the appeal of Solitaire for me. I use it almost as a meditative tool, an activity that busies my thumbs while freeing my mind to rest or ponder. My most favored position for playing is lying on my couch propped up on a couple of pillows, a blanket over my knees if there’s a chill in the air.

Most often, I stop playing once I’ve won a round. It’s satisfying to see the virtual cards shuffle automatically into place and then magically pile themselves up in the corner of the screen. Sometimes when I’ve won, I see what kind of a winning streak I can go on. My highest number of wins in a row is five. It’s all a matter of luck, after all, although there is some decision-making involved occasionally.

I probably could have written that novel in the time I have spent playing games like Solitaire on my phone. Like many things, technology is a double-edged sword. It can be used wisely or wastefully. Still, after a busy day and a tired mind, there are worse ways to spend my time. So to paraphrase Neil Diamond, I’ll be what I am, a Solitaire-y mom.

A Great Sacrifice

Whenever we give without counting the cost or calculating the return,
we are learning to bear the beams of love.
– Robert Ellsberg, The Saints’ Guide to Happiness

Yesterday marked the 19th anniversary of one of the darkest days in our history. A weekday morning like any other turned into a horror, and thousands lost their lives. But amid the fear and danger, there were many heroes who gave all they had “without counting the cost.”

We owe a debt of gratitude to our first responders, who rush into harm’s way to save lives every day. On Sept. 11, 2001, 343 firefighters lost their lives in the towers as they tried to help the poor souls trapped in the burning, crumbling buildings. Police officers and EMTs also perished trying to help.

As I write this, firefighters are battling terrible blazes in Oregon and California. Photos show them sprawled on the hard ground, exhausted and spent, the adrenaline that must course through their veins as they brave the flames having finally left their system. Every day they risk life and limb to help save homes and lives.

Also as I write, medical professionals are risking disease and even death as they courageously help patients severely afflicted by COVID-19. They don their own version of battle armor each time they venture into the hospital and spend countless depleting hours helping others fight for their lives.

What do these heroes in our midst get in return for their indefatigable efforts? They certainly aren’t the best paid professionals in the world. They rarely get awards or ticker tape parades. Not for them is the glory of, say, a LeBron James. But perhaps they get a greater feeling of wholeness and purpose, a sense that their life has meaning.

In an episode of The Crown, Prince Phillip longs for the life of the Apollo 11 astronauts and for what must surely have been an extraordinary adventure setting foot on the moon. When he meets the fictionalized Armstrong, Aldrin, and Collins, however, he realizes they are just ordinary young men, slightly goofy, awed by the grandeur of Buckingham Palace, and not at all given to philosophical marveling at the journey they have just made.

We can all be heroic in our own small ways when we make sacrifices for others, whether it be our families, our communities, or the greater good. We will not get a special prize when we wear a mask in public to protect others from possible COVID-19 transmission. We won’t get an award for working each week at the local food pantry helping feed the poor. And no one will applaud us for staying up all night with a sick parent or child. Instead, we will gain an inner light and peace that comes from knowing the true joy that giving all we have can bring.

Back to School

Labor Day marks the end of summer for many children and young adults as they prepare for their return to school. This year that first day of school is complicated by the need for safety protocols due to the coronavirus pandemic.

While some schools are returning to full attendance on day one, others are choosing an entirely online beginning to the school year, while still others are using a hybrid model in order to have fewer students on campus at any given time.

Whatever the situation for a particular school, this year is sure to test the mettle of students and faculty alike – not to mention the fortitude of parents forced into a new role as academic mentors and gatekeepers. Students who are allowed to attend in person will find themselves distanced from their classmates and forced to wear masks all day. I especially feel for kindergartners, whose need for closeness and hugs will have to be forestalled. Children and teens stuck at home trying to learn all their lessons online will have to deal with isolation and perhaps difficulty meshing this kind of instruction with their particular learning styles. And teachers will struggle to meet the needs of kids with less access to technology and fewer educational resources in the home.

If there is one thing I am certain of, however, it is that our society can meet the challenge of this current state of affairs and do our best to help our children thrive. In my own community, I have seen efforts to create learning pods so that students can help each other learn. Collaborative learning has been increasingly emphasized at all levels of education, so students helping students could work to their advantage in the years to come. I have also seen drives to equip students from more impoverished schools with the technological tools they need for online learning. For instance, graduating seniors from my local high school were encouraged to donate their school laptops to students in need.

I’m not saying it will be easy. But our country has withstood devastating wars, social unrest, and past pandemics with resiliency and hope. As our greatest natural resource, our children, return to school, let us all do as much as we can materially, emotionally, and even spiritually to see that no child is left behind.

Willful Ignorance

The man walks up to the outdoor seating area of the diner and waits. He has on jeans, a t-shirt, and a day old scruff of beard. Nothing remarkable. Then I notice the screen print on his shirt. It says: “Unmasked. Unmuzzled. Unvaccinated. Unafraid.” Charming.

The man is seated outside, so there is no issue with the statewide mask requirement. After a few minutes, however, he stands up and walks toward the entrance. He hesitates, then pulls out a mask and puts it on before entering the restaurant. “Tough guy,” I mutter to myself under my breath.

I find myself discouraged by the kind of willful ignorance that would inspire someone to wear such a sentiment on his clothing. This is not an innocent “I didn’t know any better” type of ignorance. It’s intentional and in your face. I was just glad there was no altercation at the restaurant where I was peacefully eating breakfast.

Anti-intellectualism began during the Eighties with the election of Ronald Reagan. While Democrats complained that Reagan was not the brightest light bulb in the pack, Republicans accused them of elitism. The GOP started courting less educated, less sophisticated voters, and filled them with disdain for book learnin’. Thus began a cycle of countering Democratic intellectual heavyweights with not so bright “men of the people” – first Clinton followed by Dubya, then Obama succeeded by You-Know-Who.

In every facet of society, conservative anti-intellectualism started to take hold. Anti-science movements by extreme evangelicals in Texas affected the education of every American kid since Texas is the textbook development center of the country. Suddenly evolution is just one theory out of many. A growing number of Americans on both the Left and the Right start to doubt the safety and efficacy of routine childhood vaccines. And Pluto is no longer a planet! (Oh, wait. That last one is, alas, true.)

Conspiracy theories are another feature of willful ignorance. The Obama government was attempting to spy on our children with the advent of the Common Core in education. Hillary Clinton is at the center of a pedophile ring operating out of a Washington D.C. pizza parlor. The Deep State is trying to destroy Donald Trump’s presidency. When Hillary Clinton complained about a “right wing conspiracy” against her husband Bill in the 1990s, Republicans scoffed. Now they are the party of QAnon, a fringe group that believes there is a Satanic cabal out to destroy Trump and the American way of life.

It is no mystery how a shallow and unintelligent man was able to capture the White House. He appeals to the lowest common denominator in society and makes people feel better about their lack of knowledge or intellectual curiosity. When the Atlantic recently reported that Trump had referred to deceased soldiers as “losers” and “suckers,” his response was, “I don’t read that magazine.” Shocker.

Those of us who care deeply about facts and truth need to counter this strain of willful ignorance in American society. Our first job is to remove this president and his Congressional enablers from office. Then we need to regain the intellectual high ground. It’s all very well and good to admit you don’t know what you don’t know. But it’s paramount to insist on finding out.

The Upside

When I first learned of the COVID-era move-in plan at my daughter’s college, I was disheartened. The plan called for one parent, and one parent only, to drive the student to campus, have her tested, and drop her off outside her new dorm, lingering only long enough to allow the student to get all of her belongings into her dorm room by herself. Parents would not be allowed to enter the dorms, and students would basically be in quarantine for at least the next week.

While college administrators repeatedly apologized for the draconian but, in their view, necessary precautions, it was cold comfort to me as I prepared to launch the baby of the family into the next chapter of her life. I have always been an emotional person, and I have cried many a tear as each of my four children made their way toward adulthood.

Turns out my fears were unfounded. In fact, dropping off my youngest at college was the most painless and least emotional of all. Call it the upside of COVID-19 restrictions. There was no stepping over each other in the tight space of a dorm room, no short tempers over the physical exertion of the move. I didn’t have the luxury of a prolonged or teary goodbye, especially since it was raining during the entire move-in process. Most importantly, my daughter got a jumpstart on her independence.

The day after she moved into college, our daughter contacted us on FaceTime and proudly showed us her room. She had decorated her walls and was organizing her things  just the way she wanted them. She was brimming with positivity and excitement, even though the highlight of her day was getting to walk the short distance to the dining hall and pick up her to-go dinner.

My daughter’s first year college experience will not be like her siblings.’ Right now the setup bears more resemblance to a prison term. She is confined in her room except for meals and a short period outside for daily exercise. (I wonder if the “inmates” are trading cigarettes on the yard!) To the extent that the campus contains the spread of COVID-19, students will be given more freedoms. For now, though, they are battening down the hatches and hoping to prevail against the storm. Still, my daughter is thrilled to be there. And we are proud and happy for her, even though I already miss her dear face something fierce.

I appreciate the care and thoughtfulness that went into the college’s planning on reopening this fall. I know my daughter will be protected and cared for while she is away from me. Most of all, though, I am thankful for the short and sweet goodbye. Colleges might want to consider getting rid of the parents as quickly even when the coronavirus goes away.