Today is my Medicare-eligible birthday, and I’m feeling a little blue. Not because I’ve reached the Golden Girls age, but because today we said farewell to the baby of the family as she makes her way to Italy to study for the winter and spring semester.
For months we have been planning this exciting chapter in my daughter’s life. I’ve stressed myself out over documentation for the student visa, securing medication for a four-month stint in a foreign country, and helping my less than organized child pack for the duration. There have been tears, a fair amount of shouting and haranguing, and some sleepless nights as I’ve worried over every difficulty and danger that could befall my beloved child. So you’d think I’d be relieved. Finally all our planning and packing have come to an end, and she’s on her way.
It’s true that I breathed a sigh of relief when her luggage met the weight requirements and she was able to check in to her flight. And it is a little easier here at home with one less person to attend to. But it’s a little too quiet. When my husband and I arrived home after the trip to the airport, I saw our daughter’s shoes standing in the middle of the kitchen and began to miss her.
It’s the paradox of parenthood that we go from too much togetherness (“Please, can I have just one moment to myself?”) to too much distance. We long for our kids to grow up and become independent. And then, damn it, they do! Although I wouldn’t have it any other way, I must confess that there is a comfort level to having the chicks home in the nest. They may be driving you crazy, but they are there, safe and warm, eating all the pasta and occasionally making you laugh.
The hubby and I had an early bird special birthday dinner at our favorite restaurant. It was lovely to gaze out at the bay while sipping a delicious glass of chardonnay. I’ve talked to each of my four children during the course of the day, all of whom made the point to wish me a happy birthday. In spite of this little touch of sadness, I have had a wonderful day counting my blessings.
I sincerely hope I have many more birthdays on which I can reflect on the contradictory joys and tribulations of family life.
Because I Said So 