Say Yes to the Dress(kini)

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Say Yes to the Dress(kini)

As spring break looms, hundreds of women are most likely rifling through their closets and drawers looking for last year’s swimsuit. If they are anything like me, they are hoping moths have eaten huge holes in it so that they have an excuse not to wear it at all. Let’s face it. For women, few every day experiences match the anxiety of trying on a swimsuit.

First of all, the sizing of swimsuits is so different from that of our regular clothes. So a woman who normally wears a size 8 is forced to try on swimsuits in double digit sizes. This is not good for the self-esteem. We women prefer designer clothes that are marked 00 or 2 instead of the size 10 it would actually be.

Another problem with trying on swimwear at this time of year is our ghostly pallor. I recently overheard a woman in a store dressing room lament, “Ughh, I can’t try on these suits until I get a spray tan.” All that extra flesh exposed after a winter of cozy turtlenecks and long pants is downright jarring to us as we look in the mirror.

And speaking of mirrors, why do they put “fat mirrors” in women’s dressing rooms? Wouldn’t they sell a lot more clothing if they put in slimming mirrors with flattering low lighting? Instead, we look like we’re posing for our mugshots at the local police station. If looks could kill.

When I was young, I was only too happy to parade around in a bikini. Actually, I loved swimsuits back in those pre-baby days. Like the character Gidget in the old beach movies, I longed to have a different suit for every day of the week. Now I dread buying even one suit to wear for when I jump into the hot tub as fast as possible after removing my coverup.

But recently I discovered a new (to me) invention in swimwear – the dresskini. The dresskini is a minidress-length top that goes over a pair of bikini bottoms the public need never see. It nicely camouflages muffin tops and bulging thighs, as well as winter pale torsos. In a dresskini I can feel comfortable walking on the beach or stirring from my poolside chair to get a drink. And the backside? Well, let’s just say this is a fashion trend I can get behind.

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6 thoughts on “Say Yes to the Dress(kini)

  1. I was never comfortable in a bikini. It was always a one-piece for me. BUT, I recently jumped on the tankini band wagon. I also discovered that a running bra, running skirt and certain tank tops make a great substitute for a bath suit.

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  2. Mary, I’m sure you would look like your daughter if you wore a bikini! Why is it that only skinny people complain about how fat they look? You never hear fat people say, (especially me) that they look so skinny”….?

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    • Janey, You flatter me. Trust me. Anyone who’s had a few kids does not rock a bikini anymore unless they have military discipline about exercise or liposuction.

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  3. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the comment about fat mirrors. I am so glad someone else out here feels my pain. I constantly find myself sucking in my belly to try convince myself that I don’t actually look THAT bad and it is just the mirror. šŸ™‚

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    • I have learned to relax a bit. At my age, looks just don’t mean as much to me. And as my daughter reminds me, “You don’t have to worry about your looks; you’re already married!”

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